Stony Man

Hey, remember back when you were on that Rocket Ship, out in outer space?

And remember that time when that super nova thing was about to blow up the whole galaxy?

And you were like “oh crap!”

And then you remembered that you had just had that special secret ‘anti-super-nova’ death ray installed in your rocket ship like the day before, or something.

Remember how you put on your dark glasses and your best Captain James T. Kirk voice and said “must…save galaxy..from..certain..doom…”

But remember that when you pushed the death ray button, nothing happened, because you were really like just pressing the button that like opens the cargo bay doors, or turned on the closet lights, or something?

Then, remember when Scooter, your giant invisible space dog, came running into the room, barked and pushed the real death ray button with his great big invisible paw, and blew the super nova to smithereens?

Remember how both of you laughed?

Well, the new Stony Man CD is coming out soon.

And it’s gonna be a lot like that. Maybe even better.

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The new STONY MAN album will be available in time for all your Holiday needs.

To be  made available wherever such things are to be found, these things will be ideal for those of you who would like these sorts of things. You can ask us where to find them. I think they’ll be over here, in boxes.

They promise to be round, very round.

Shiny, too.

Many were called. A couple of them answered. Only one was chosen.

Environmentally friendly STONY MAN INTERNATIONAL is again almost ready to proudly announce the new Stony Man cd.

Many designs were submitted, some by some of the top design submitters in the design submission business.

Sadly, only one design can be used. Only one of these many, many, many strange and wonderful works of art can grace the cover of the environmentally friendly little cardboard thingie that has been selected to house the new environmentally friendly Stony Man album (well, okay, there’s gonna be a little bit of plastic, too).

Check back here often for more on the environmentally friendly design selection process, and some of the unselected submitted environmentally friendly designs.

Here are a few of the designs that (tragically) had to be left on the environmentally friendly cutting room floor.

It’s nice to know that you can still count on some things.

And amidst all the uncertainty, tumult and upheaval in the world today, we here at STONY MAN INTERNATIONAL never stop trying to make you feel safe, and secure.

So, with that in mind, we’d like to once again assure you and your family that the new STONY MAN cd is really, really almost complete.

Honest.

So tonight, when you and your loved ones gather around the table, or huddle around your humble campfire, or climb aboard the corporate Gulfstream for that ski trip to Banfff (this week Chef Brian’s trout choucroute is simply superlative; be sure to have Francois bring some of the parsley pesto on the side, and while he’s at it, how about a nice Riesling, say maybe the ‘74 Smith-Madrone?) just remember-

the new STONY MAN cd is really, really almost complete.

Really.

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You know, sometimes the Government really does know what’s best for you.

That’s why so many people have started lining up early to get their STONY MAN cd.

They know that when cold and flu season arrives, it’s just plain foolish to risk not having one.

They’re completely waterproof, and best of all, made entirely here, on earth, by real earth people.

So, don’t take any chances. Get yours today.

Four out of five doctors agree that Stony Man, when taken properly, can lessen many of the symptoms. Your results may vary. Do not take Stony Man if you are bored, pregnant, or may become bored or pregnant, or if you have ever been known as “Noopy, the Fire-Eating Wonder Bat”.

Stony Man is not for people under the age of 7 and 1/2, or for people over eleven and ½ feet tall.

Notify your doctor if anything weird starts happening to people on your block, or if anything begins to grow out of your upper arms.

Discontinue use if things in your house begin talking to you while you sleep, or if they begin asking to use your car, or if they begin to look like Frida Kahlo, Jackie Mason, or Franklin Pierce.